This Isn't How To Train Your Dragon...

My first blog in a long time is not an easy one. I have gone back and forth over whether or not to say anything on Facebook or elsewhere about this. As many who know me and follow me on Facebook have learned, I tend to be very honest about the struggles we face with our kids' diagnoses, the loss of our first daughter, the loss of my father and so on. I don't put it out there for attention, pity, or any other self serving reasons. I am honest and open because I feel that there is a purpose for everything that we go through. As I have learned many times, that purpose is to help others going through the same or similar situations. If we don't talk about it than we can't reach out and help others. There have been so many times that I've gotten a comment on a post or a private message after sharing something thanking me for sharing, telling me what an encouragement something I shared was to someone else, how good someone felt knowing that they weren't alone, or even someone asking me if they could share my story with someone they know going through a similar situation who needs encouragement. Something I learned with Faith was that I felt if I didn't share her story and what we went through that her little life and huge fight would have been in vain. Sharing and talking about what we face is not only healing and often cathartic but can also be educational and encouraging to others. It sheds light on a subject someone may not be aware of, can provide understanding, can give hope to others, encourage someone, and possibly even empower others. It can do three things that I call "my three E's": 1)Educate 2)Encourage  and 3)Empower. I would hate to hear of someone I know who felt alone and hopeless because they thought no one understood what they were going through if I had been through something similar and could have encouraged them but kept silent instead. Now, I don't share EVERYTHING because some things are private and should be kept private. It just depends on what the topic or situation is and whether or not I feel there's an important lesson to learn in it. You may be wondering, "Is there a point to all of this?" Yes. Yes there is, and here it goes. 

A few years ago I started having a lot of trouble with my teeth. I'd be eating something and a tooth would crack or break or I'd get an infection out of nowhere and suddenly that tooth had to go. My teeth started getting more and more sensitive to heat and cold and I started noticing pain at times biting into foods that weren't even that hard. At first it was more annoying than anything but it came and went. It wasn't a constant thing. Over time it because a constant issue. I'd be chewing gum and a piece of a tooth would break off. My gums would swell in spots and be super tender. I noticed that my gums seemed to be shrinking or pulling down and away from my teeth. I even thought some of my teeth felt a little loose at times. As these issues increased so did the rate of infections (which always had an effect on my diabetes), then the extractions started. Not that many and never more than one tooth at a time but it still bothered me. I brushed my teeth and flossed but still had problems. After having to have a few teeth extracted in a little over year I noticed that my teeth started moving. They were spacing out just a little and they were starting to look bigger. What?! How could they look bigger?? Well it turns out they weren't really getting bigger they just appeared to be because of the gums pulling away from the teeth. Then last fall things really took a turn! 

I had had a tooth that had broken and when I say broken I mean down to the gum line. It didn't hurt or bother me at first so I put off going to the dentist (yeah, I know, first mistake). Then one evening I noticed it was sore and figured I was going to have to make an appointment to have it taken care of soon. Well it would turn out to be a lot sooner than I thought! I woke up the next morning looking like Rocky Balboa had used my face as a punching bag. I had never seen my face (or anyone else's face I know) swell so much overnight! Half of my face was completely swollen, even my eyes were swollen and the pain! Oh my word the pain!! I remember it was a Sunday morning and there was not much I could do. I had some leftover antibiotics (don't judge! We all know we haven't always finished our antibiotics at some point!) so I started taking them. The next day I went to the dentist where they did x-rays, gave me a prescription for antibiotics (same kind I'd started the day before!) and told me to come back on Wednesday for the extractions. Yes, extractions, plural. Turns out I had THREE abscessed teeth that needed to be pulled immediately and FIVE others that needed to come out ASAP. EIGHT teeth that they said could not stay. I couldn't believe it. The dentist explained what was going on. She said I had significant bone loss in my jaw which is why my gums were pulling away from the teeth. This was creating space between my gums and teeth where food, bacteria, etc could get down in more easily. This is what was creating the infections. It also made my teeth weaker and the extra space between jaw bone, teeth, and gums had caused ALL of my teeth to loosen. You could actually wiggle them slightly. The previous extractions I had during the two previous years left empty spaces and my teeth began to move and spread apart. The dentist said there was nothing we could do to reverse any of these problems and that they would only get worse in time. Being a diabetic my health was constantly at risk with reoccurring infections. There weren't very many options and no matter which ones we had to choose from they would all eventually lead to the same outcome within the next year or two so we (Chris and I) made a decision. It was not an easy decision and it proved to be quite emotional. 

I haven't talked about it publicly before now for a number of reasons. I was unsure how people, yes even friends, would react. I was embarrassed, scared, anxious, conflicted, the list goes on. I decided to put all of that aside so here goes. This past Sunday Chris and I drove down to North Carolina to spend the night because I had a very early appointment with the dentist. I was scared to death, didn't want to do it but knew I had to. I sat in the chair Monday morning and when the dentist came in she asked if we were pulling all of them and I told her yes. She looked at the x-ray they had just taken and said, "Oh yeah, you're definitely making the right decision. This is best and will be much better for you in the long run." I laid back as they started the nitrous oxide and tried to relax. After a few minutes I didn't want to bolt out of the door anymore. In fact, I was feeling so good that I just wanted to stay right there the rest of the day. Haha! She came back in and shot me down from my high when she gave me a bunch of shots into my gums then topped it off with three into the roof of my mouth. I focused on breathing through my nose to get ALLLL that nitrous into my system then listened to all 25 of my teeth get pulled one by one. That sound...it's the stuff nightmares are made of. No joke. The Novocaine was already wearing off by the last one and I felt it. In the time it took to lay there for 10 minutes then walk to the front with a mouth empty of teeth and full of gauze, all the numbness had worn off in my top jaw and I was hurting. By the time we got back to the hotel my bottom jaw had regained feeling and I was in the worst pain I'd ever felt. I laid in the hotel room hurting physically and emotionally. I had to change the gauze every ten minutes. The first time I changed the gauze I looked in the mirror and saw myself without teeth, I fell to pieces. Here I am a week to the day before my 39th birthday and I didn't recognize myself. It was crushing. I never even thought of the emotional impact it would have on me and in that moment I was so thankful that I had not gone down alone because I needed Chris. I don't know what I would've done without him! Probably chickened out and abandoned ship before even getting them pulled! We hung out in the hotel for a few hours then headed back to the dentist where they had a brand new set of teeth waiting for me. With all the numbness gone they put those dentures in my mouth and I almost came out of the chair! Then she handed me a mirror. 

I don't know what I felt looking into that mirror for the first time. I was curious, excited, uncomfortable, embarrassed but above all I was hurting and that's really all I could focus on. So far the recovery has NOT been easy and I still have a ways to go. I'm only in the beginning stages of my denture adventure. There will have to be adjustments made to these (temporary) dentures, permanent dentures will come in November, I get to enjoy liquids and soft foods for now, I have to learn to chew around the hockey puck in my mouth, and I have to learn how to talk. There is still a lot of healing to do and writing this is one of those steps of healing. I was embarrassed to admit that I had to get dentures at my age, though it wasn't my fault. Then I realized I shouldn't be embarrassed. I did this to better my health, to ensure that my kids have their mom around, to be done with constant infections and pain, and to feel better. I didn't just do this for me, I did it for my family and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Instead of hiding it and being embarrassed, I decided to put it out there and OWN it! This has been one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. I've never experienced this kind of pain but I know that in the end it will be completely worth it for all of us! 

So here I am!! You'll notice in the after pic that I was feeling the effects of the pain meds although they didn't actually help with the pain. Oh and as I said I still feel like there's a hockey puck in my mouth and I FEEL like my teeth are HUGE and make my mouth stick out. I've been assured that that's not the case however SnapChat had the PERFECT filter to show how I have felt as you can see in the last photo!! 

Little Boy...Big Life Lesson

Normally Samuel is easy to get to bed and doesn't get back up once put to bed...unless he's had a late nap. The other night he had been up since early morning and we'd been on the go all day. When bedtime rolled around, I expected him to go right to sleep. I was wrong! He kept getting out of bed and wanting to play or sit in my lap. Around 11:30 Chris went on to bed and Samuel came strolling back into the playroom about 15 minutes later and crawled into my lap. He was very quiet and just snuggled with me for about 10 minutes. Then he looked up at me and the conversation went as follows:

Sammy: Mommy? Bapoo's gone?
Me: Yes honey. He's gone.
Sammy: I miss Bapoo
Me: I know you do baby. Mommy misses him too.

He sat quiet for a moment then:

Sammy: Mommy? Bapoo's your Daddy?
Me: Yes baby, he was my Daddy.
Sammy: Your Daddy's gone?
Me: Yes honey. My Daddy's gone.

He laid his head on my shoulder and apparently thought about this for more than 5 minutes in silence. He then looked at me and asked

"Mommy? I can go lay wif my daddy?"
Me: Of course you can sweetie.

He hopped down out of my lap and took off back to our bedroom and the house was quiet again. I sat there stunned that such a young little mind and soul had come to such a big realization. His mommy's daddy was gone....and he has seen the hurt and heard the tears. It is a very sad thing for her daddy to be gone....but he still has his. So innocent, so precious, so sweet and loving...he realized he was thankful to have his daddy and needed to be close to him in that moment. Thirty minutes later I walked to the bedroom and found him sound asleep in bed...next to his Daddy.

There's nothing like Daddy. He is "mommy's boy" but he adores his Daddy too. And who can blame him? He has a wonderful Daddy who loves him unconditionally and would do anything for him....I know how special that is...that's how my Daddy loved me.

Making Memories

Well, on Friday night, March 2nd, we packed the van up and piled everyone in about 7:30pm and hit the road. Some might say we'd lost our minds to leave when we did. The weather channel had severe weather warnings for what seemed like our entire route to Florida!! We were in for a long night! Before leaving I gave Abby her medicine thinking "well she'll be asleep in the next little bit." I was wrong...very wrong. She did not stop talking or even pause to breathe for the next two and a half hours. I mean, she didn't even pause to breath! I've since checked the van to see if she had some type of oxygen supply rigged to allow her to talk without taking a breath! WOW! All Chris and I could think was "this is really going to be a long trip!" I don't think she ever actually fell asleep, I believe she passed out from lack of oxygen and was unconscious for a little over 2 hours! Once her oxygen was replenished she was up again and chatting away for another 2 straight hours! Samuel was asleep by about halfway through North Carolina and didn't wake up again until we were almost through Atlanta! That boy knows how to travel!! Then there is the tiniest one of the three...Madison. I think that child snuck some coffee before we left because she was awake for most of the 13 hrs of the trip! She only slept maybe an hour and a half! The rest of the time she sat in her car seat, quiet as a mouse, and looking like she was on the verge of passing out but would stay awake! We had several good laughs about it because she would sit for miles with a glazed look in her eyes, mouth wide open with her thumb hanging in there, and looking like a bobble head but still awake! She was so quiet though never making a sound. Bless her heart she was also sick and has been since we've been here but it has not stopped her or dampened her happy always smiling mood until she's about ready to crash....then you can't stop the tears! The weather during the trip was awful and raining the entire time with maybe an hour break off and on. The rain came down in barrels not buckets and the lightning at times was so bright that it left you blinded for a second! I was so thankful for a husband who did such a fantastic job driving through it all! He really was amazing! Especially when you think we left just two hours after he got home from a 10 hour day at work! INSANITY!!

We made it to to Florida around 8:15 am and realized we had an entire rainy day to keep busy since we couldn't go into the condo until 3pm. We stopped at Paw Paw's house first and saw him which wired the kids and woke them up good! The all of us went and saw a family friend and spent a little time visiting with her, followed by a visit with Omi, Chris' mom where the kids were again wired and excited and tired and fussy and hungry! We decided to get them something to eat and realized it was only 10:30 and we still had an entire day to keep them occupied!! After a few texts we went spent our waiting time at Matt's....my ex-husband's.Yes, I know that sounds very strange to all of you but he, Chris and I have developed a friendship and we actually had a nice time visiting, talking and laughing. Madison passed out on his bed...she was running fever and not feeling well and even Chris zonked out in the leather chair. Around 2:30 we loaded up and headed to the island ready to see this condo and check everything out! We hadn't been there 10 minutes and Abby ran to me and said "I love this condo!!!" The week was already off to a good start!

The week was full of days playing in the sand on the beach, going to the zoo, visiting friends and family, a trip to Build A Bear, the Bass Pro Shop, and so much more!! We were on the go constantly and I came to appreciate the few hours in the condo here and there when Maddy would take a nap and Abby and Sammy were occupied playing for a while. My favorite time of day was getting up at 6:00am, brewing a pot of coffee and sitting on our balcony with my coffee watching the sun come up as the waves crashed ashore and dolphins played out in the surf. THAT was my piece of paradise everyday! We also went to First Baptist Church of Niceville where Daddy used to pastor and saw so many dear sweet friends! It was a blessing to be able to love on them again!! On the trip home we decided to break it into two days. We drove to Cartersville, GA where we stayed with my old college roomy that I had not seen in 15 years!! Getting to see her again and meet her husband and kids was definitely a major highlights of the trip for me!! We really enjoyed our night and morning with them...not to mention the awesome food she cooked for us while we were there! It's amazing how after 15 years you can still pick up where you left off and suddenly it doesn't seem like it's been that long! Such a blessing to have lifelong friends like that!

All in all it was an amazing week. Our very first family vacation was a huge success. Nothing could beat watching our kids have such a wonderful time and being so excited about everything that we did and saw! I loved experiencing everything through our children's eyes! It was something that I can not put into words! Although it was a long trip down, very busy while we were there, and a long trip back, I am looking forward to our next family vacation and the memories that will come with it!

Now we are home and settling back into our daily routines. Chris has been back at work for two days, Abby is back at school, and Maddy, Sammy and I are trying to re-establish our daily routine at home! I suppose it's good to be home...LOL My coffee doesn't taste the same as it did, I guess the salt air added a little something to it but I'm happy that my kids were happy and excited to be home. Abby was especially happy to be back in school and when you get down to it that's all that matters...our children had a great time and are happy to be home with tons of new and exciting memories to talk about!

Thirty-six hour days? YES, please!

Ok, so I've heard that the first year a child is in school they bring home "x" amount of viruses and same goes for first year teachers until they build up immunities to everything they're exposed to. Here's my question...is it normal that they bring home EVERY SINGLE VIRUS!??! I mean really! I swear if someone on the other side of the school who never has contact with Abby gets sick, I guarantee Abby has/will catch it and bring it home!! This poor girl has stayed sick this year! And once again, she's got a cough and congestion that she has shared with Samuel and Maddy. Just once, couldn't she have been spared getting sick? I mean we leave in 3 days!!! Aye ya yaye! She still went to school today because she wasn't running any fever and I'm still not completely sure it's not just allergies. The weather has been so whack that my dandelions are blooming so obviously there's pollen in the air. Sammy has been sneezing like crazy so maybe it is just allergies...but their allegra hasn't done anything to help! Abby also informed me that a little boy in her class has a really loud cough and he finds it funny when he coughs on her or others....niiiiice!! Thank you to the parents of that little boy for  drilling into his head the importance of covering your mouth/nose when you sneeze/cough!! I really don't have time for more sickness right now!! I have too much to do to get ready for our first family vacation!

My brain is on overload right now! I feel like I am NEVER going to have everything together, packed, and ready for our vacation!! This year will be our very first family vacation ever! I mean, we've gone camping with Abby when she was little, and we traveled to Florida a couple of years ago with my parents and stayed with family, but we are venturing out onto the open road with just the 5 of us, and will be staying in a condo on the beach!! Chris is so excited that I've almost had to tie him into his recliner in the evenings to keep him from jumping in the car and taking off! Haha! He LOVES road trips, loves to drive, and is itching to get going. He's so hyped about it I feel like I have to keep reminding him that it's not just him! Ummm hello? How can you be THAT excited about being on the road for a trip that is 12 hours and 21 minutes (JUST driving time...not factoring in any stops!) with a 4, 3, and 2 year old?! I'm excited about getting to Florida but would have no problems being heavily medicated during the entire trip down there!! I wouldn't want and would never medicate my kids for that amount of time but I would certainly not stop someone from medicating me! I'm glad he's so excited! Maybe once we are on the road his enthusiasm will be contagious but for the moment it has made me almost physically ill just thinking about the whole trip. If I could, I'd click my heels until they bled to get us there quicker! Don't get me wrong I am really excited about being down there. The condo looks awesome, we'll get to see all kinds of friends and family, let the kids play in that sugar white sand while looking out over the Gulf of Mexico....oh...I can't wait!!! Just get me through the trip there!

The kids are as excited as their daddy! Samuel asks every night "we goin to Forda when its wake up time?" No baby, not until Friday. Then in the morning he walks in the playroom and asks "we goin to Forda today?" No baby just a few more days....he's been doing this EVERY night and EVERY day for three weeks!!! LOL In fact, when I'm on the phone or talking to someone he can be focused on something but if he hears the word "Florida" he says "YAY!!! Forda!!!! We goin?!" It had gotten so bad for a while that I started referring to it as the "F word" because he would ask a million times if we were leaving, saying he was ready to go etc. He did this enough that now when Madison hears "Florida" she throws her arms up in the air and yells "Yay! Forda!!" Oye! So I guess everyone is excited about this trip and ready to go. I just have to get everything done, laundry, picking out clothes, packing, making sure we have all meds/special blankets/Maddy's bunny/Sammy's cars, and get the house clean so that I don't come home to work!!! Guess maybe I should sign off of here and get to work then. It's Wednesday...hump day...appropriate because I really need to hump it if I'm going to get all of this done! Wish me luck....I'm going to need it!!!!

Gracious Blessings

Another week has come and gone and we are begining the last week of February!. I can't believe how fast time flies now. Seems like having kids made the clock go into triple time!! They are growing up so fast, it's unbelievable! I can't believe how blessed I am. I have had four (wow 4!!) amazing, beautiful, strong children, I have a husband who works hard, loves us with all of his heart and keeps me laughing, I am blessed with the most amazing parents, a beautiful sister, crazy funny brother in law, awesome niece and nephew, amazing/caring/giving/loving father in law....I could go on and on. But out of all the things, what astonishes me the most everyday are my kids and how God has taught me and blessed me so much through them.

Madison had her 2 year well check this week. I was amazed when the doctor started by examaning her head and turned to me and asked "was she a preemie?" This was the first time she'd seen Maddy since it's a new doc. I told her yes and she said "what? about 35 weeks maybe earlier?" I said yes, and she said she could tell by the shape and size of her head...what?!? Wow! She laughed at how tiny Madison is. Her little legs are no bigger than twigs. I can put my thumb and middle finger around her thigh and they touch! She has such tiny arms and little face too! But that belly of hers is as round as it can be and it just pops out there! I don't remember how tall she is, but she's a mere 22.4lbs and she'll be 26 months old tomorrow!! She's just wearing 18-24 months but the waistbands are big on her but she needs the length. When you look at her she seems so tiny and you might expect to hear little baby babble come out of her so the doc was shocked when Madison pointed to a chair and said "I wanna sit dair an see Ma-ison!" She wanted to look in the mirror. The doctor laughed and said well that answers my question of "how is her speech?" LOL She was going to ask if Maddy was putting at least 2 or 3 words together to make short sentences. HA! I think she skipped that and went straight to full length sentences...then again look who her big sister is!! Abby sits and plays "school" with her and tells her to repeat this and that and the other and Maddy does every bit of it! Abby is a natural teacher!

Speaking of, a note came home in Abby's communication book from school recently. It read "It's so good to have Abby back and feeling better! I can definately tell she is a big sister! She is observant and always quick and willing to help others. Today I found her at a table helping a friend write their letters!" I asked Abby about it and she said "Yep! It was Paul. He didn't write his P right so I showed him how to do it! And I helped him write other letters too Mommy!" I shook my head and chuckled...She's in preschool and "tutoring" her peers already...boy are her teachers going to have their hands full with her! She's so smart and constantly picking up stuff on her own. She started preschool already able to write all of her letters. By the second week she came home and could write all of her numbers. I can ask her what time it is (on digital clock) and she'll say "it's six thirty three"...she's been wanting to learn time on the "big clock" so we're working on that little by little. She can spell over half of her classmates names (there are 16 kids in the class), she's already learned to spell a few words like cat, love, daddy and a few others. I sometimes feel like I can't keep up with her. She can work my iphone better than me and knows how to text her daddy at that! Actually she knows how to text anybody but is only suppose to text her daddy! She brought my phone to me the other day and (by the way...she was talking to someone on it) said here mommy it's Lisa. What?! Apparently she went into a text convo with my friend Lisa and decided to text her. She texted a bunch of letters but then gave herself away by texting her name! hahaha So, Lisa called my cell and since I wasn't in the room, of course, Abby answered and talked to her before bringing me the phone. Oh did we have a good laugh! Now, Abby KNOWS she's not supposed to text anyone but her daddy because I don't want her bugging everyone in my contacts with random letters, smileys and goodness knows what else. So what had Abby done?? After texting Lisa, she went back into the conversation and deleted ONLY her texts!! WHAT?!!? I couldn't believe how smart and sneaky she was about it. Man she is something else. We are really going to have our hands full in a few years! Oh WHO AM I KIDDING!?!?! We have our hands full NOW!!! She is so funny and keeps us laughing. But there is also a tenderness, sweetness, and loving side of her that will move you to tears. And she's been that way since she was an infant when I'd hold her on my lap and cry after Faith die, hurting so bad, and she would look at me with those huge hazel eyes (at 6 months old) and reach up and wipe the tears off of my face and lay her head on my shoulder and pat my face or my back. God knew I'd need her, His timing is perfect. When he gave her to us he was already showing us that his grace would be sufficient in the coming months and I think that's why he gave us her name...Abigail (Father's joy/gives joy) and Grace...no explanation needed. She does bring us so much joy and everyday I think of how God's grace is sufficient and how his timing was so perfect when he gave us Abigail Grace!

Mommy's Boy...always

I really should be folding some clothes, washing dishes, washing clothes, or doing something...other than sitting here at the computer but I'm enjoying the quiet. All the kids are in bed and at 9:11pm that is a miracle in this house. Usually Abby (the 4 year old with ADHD and sleep issues) is still up bouncing around. Tonight she wanted to go to bed and said she was tired...I know it's been unseasonably warm this winter, especially today, so does that mean that it's snowing in welllll doesn't matter! I'm thankful it's quiet! I'm waiting for Samuel to come walking out any minute. He took a nap today which is never good. Although it was nice to have a break this afternoon from he very aggressive mood today, I knew I'd probably pay for it tonight. He has the hardest time going to sleep at night if he takes any kind of nap during the day. We'll see if he stays in bed! At least I have one that I can count on every night and that's Madison, the two year old! Then again, what choice does she have when I tell her it's bedtime and I put her in her crib and close the door! She's good about it and has gotten to where she doesn't scream and cry but rather smiles, says "I lowe you Mahmee" and puts her head down! (and by the way, Samuel is now sitting on the couch next to me playing "Where's my Water" on my phone!)

That little boy amazes me. Only three and a half years old and he can work my iphone better than me! He knows every game on there and can play them...and has been doing so since last summer before he even turned three! I'm so proud of him and far he's come. I can remember when he had problems transitioning from one room to another in our own house much less when we went somewhere like Walmart. Then, he'd collapse on the floor and curl up with his thumb in his mouth, eyes closed, refusing to get up and walk. Autism has always fascinated me even years and years ago. I watch him when he's focused on something and lost in his own world and I wonder what is going on in his mind.  He is amazing. Yes, there are days when we are out and he's flopping around not wanting to walk or do what he's supposed to do and you can't get him to look at you and focus on what you're saying to save your life and some days I just want to throw my hands in the air and lay down with him in the middle of wherever we are. It can be so frustrating not only because of how he's behaving but the looks and stares from people that are thinking "I'd wear him out or my child wouldn't act like that, or she needs to learn to control her son!" We've all seen this happen in a store and we've probably all had those thoughts at some time but let me tell you, I'm not as quick to judge as I used to be. I realize now, well maybe there's more going on with that child and it's not just a tantrum. And I have said something to someone when I've overheard them comment under their breath....maybe I shouldn't but when I'm doing all I can and he's just out there, well....I don't take well to someone saying something sarcastic or judgemental especially when they say it like they're trying to be quiet about it but just loud enough so they know you heard them. I've bitten my tongue more times than not....but I have commented back on a few occasions...it couldn't be helped. He's my heart, I can't even put it into words. No matter how challenging it is sometimes, I wouldn't change him for the world. His CP and Autism is a part of who he is and I not only accept it, I embrace it because he wouldn't be Samuel without it. I can't imagine my life without him and that's why I've already shed tears at the mere thought that this fall he starts preschool and won't be with me during the day. It breaks my heart into a million pieces and even now as I type this I feel my eyes stinging. I don't know how I'm going to live day to day without him right by my side all day. I don't want him to go, I don't want him to face challenges or scary moments or achieve new things without me. It was hard with Abby but I new how bad she needed school and the break from her siblings...but Sammy?? Who's going to protect him and encourage him and calm him and tell him he's ok and he can do it? UGH....it's going to take me from now until August to adjust to this new chapter in his life and even by then...I don't think I'll be ready. Like everyone says after they get to know him..."there's just something about him!" I love him to pieces and between now and August? I'm going to hold him, love on him, and cherish every moment I can!!

I'm still here...somewhere

Ok, so I had great intentions when I first started this blog! Sad to say it hasn't been days, weeks or even months since I last posted but instead...YEARS!! Wow! I was looking around to see what all I had on my blog, which didn't take long because there isn't much, and realized that when I first started all of this I was pregnant with Madison! Wellll....yeah she's TWO now!! Hmm...didn't quite get around to posting much, but PLEASE do NOT think for a moment that my everyday life has been as slow to progress as my blog site! HA! In fact, I may get this snippet typed today and when I get around to posting again, Madison will probably be in 3rd grade which would put Abby in middle school by then! Hopefully it won't be that bad and I will be able to find time to blog some.

I've been reading my sister's blog and as well as my dad's and thought, "ooooh yeah!!! I started one of those once!" So here I am, dishes in the sink, clothes in the wash, clothes to be folded, bathrooms to be cleaned, a trip to be planned, yet I'm playing with the layout, templates and fonts to my blog!!! Trying to dust it off, refresh it a little all in hopes of reviving it...though it may require a defibrillator to do so! I'm going to try again! If nothing else, you can get a good chuckle every few years when you're notified that I've posted again!

Another Day

Is there anything more peaceful than the silence of early morning as my family sleeps? You'd think I'd be eager to stay curled up my comfy bed as long as possible while everyone sleeps, but this has become my favorite time of day. I've come to cherish the early mornings, a cup of coffee, the complete silence (aside from the local news chatting away) and the overall peacefulness at this time. I've been sitting here thinking about the kids and how much fun they both had last night playing with their daddy on the living room floor. Abigail played so hard that it didn't take long for her to fall asleep when she went to bed and that's a miracle!

I'm amazed, touched, overwhelmed, humbled, and speechless when I think about how much God has blessed me. I have a sweet, funny, sometimes (ok, often) goofy husband that loves me and the kids with all of his heart, the most beautiful children anyone could ask for, another one on the way, the most amazing Godly parents, a beautiful warm hearted sister, wonderful extended family and friends, and so much more. I may be far from financially "rich", but I have something worth more than money or gold. I have my family and friends that God has blessed me with. I have my relationship with God, through which He's teaching me more and more everyday. I'm rich with God's love and all of the many blessings He's given me and that's a wealth that's worth more than all of the gold, silver, or cash that the world has to offer. Thank you Lord for EVERYTHING!